Substitute Teachers for Dummies

By Brandon Fuhr

Everyone dreads it, no one does it, and it’s never graded. No, not math homework. I’m talking about busy work you have to do when your teacher is out.

It’s that time of year again. You are stuck in class with substitute teachers and busy work. So before you draw your next T-chart, read this: your one-stop guide to substitute teachers.

The first step in dealing with a sub is to know when your teacher is going to be out. This way you can get signed out of class beforehand. Unfortunately, students don’t usually know this in advance. For this reason, it is important to know how to deal with subs accordingly:

Rule #1: Know your sub. It is very important to be aware of the personality of your sub and make sure you know how they will react in certain circumstances. For example, if you ask nicely, some subs will let you go to the library. However, some subs are very strict and only let one person go to the bathroom at a time.

Rule #2: When you go to the bathroom, don’t go to the library for 20 minutes because you are being really selfish, and you know you are going to get written up. In addition, there are people who actually need to use the bathroom. Yet some people do it anyways. They are the scum of the earth.

Some students are understandably antsy. So if you are losing your mind and want to take a walk, volunteer to take the attendance to the office. As soon as you clear the door, book it to the office, hand in the attendance and spend the rest of the 4 minutes and 26 seconds in the library with your friends. Just make sure you are back within 5 or you might get busted.

The final and most important rule is Rule #3: It’s better to be safe than sorry. Don’t do anything that you will regret at the end of the day. You may have a ball with your friends while you cut class, but you are going to regret it 8th period when the dean pulls you out of class and you have to do the walk of shame while everyone in the class goes “ooooooooooooooOOOOOOO!”

**Coming Soon: Guide to Substitute Teachers: Pocket Edition $9.95 + S&H**

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