Aspiring Prom Queen Disappointed No Such Title Exists

By Tamar Honig

As the calendar crept closer to May 30, students here at Briarcliff High School were in a frenzy finding the perfect gown, devising the ultimate proposal, matching cummerbunds and dresses down to the exact hue, and devoting hours of careful deliberation to selecting the most flattering hairstyle, shoes, and accessories. Some went more all-out than others. And then there were those who would stop at nothing to ensure that they would be the social rulers of this once in a lifetime event.

Sources have confirmed that a BHS student, who will remain anonymous for the purposes of this article, spent the past several months perfecting plans that would catapult her to glory as this year’s prom queen. Confident in her meticulous scheming, the would-be queen had already begun practicing the speech she would give at her coronation in front of the prom-going commoners kowtowing before her.

The anonymous student went to painstaking lengths to clinch the throne, say sources close to the prom queen aspirant. After a bit of hacking and tampering, she was able to seize control of the Prom Dresses 2013 Facebook group and delete or alter several girls’ posts. This caused many a BHS prom shopper to purchase a dress identical to that of a classmate, tragically unaware that another girl had already laid claim to her gown of choice. “No way any girl wearing the same dress as someone else will be voted queen,” the student in question purportedly confided to a friend.

But the dress meddling was not enough for the driven prom queen hopeful. Having secured her own prom day hair, makeup, and nail appointments in mid-September, she then proceeded to book appointments under a variety of fake names in all of the local salons for the hours leading up to prom. Signs outside tanning salons were altered to display exorbitantly high prices or falsified notices of sudden closings in order to deter fellow students from achieving their desired golden-brown hue for prom.

“Yeah, let’s see you try to snag the crown with that pitifully pale complexion of yours,” the ambitious young lady gloated. As a last defense, she planned to bribe the students in charge of counting votes to ensure her victory with promises of a coveted spot within her royal court – including lunchtime sitting privileges at her exclusive cafeteria table.

This anonymous damsel was not the only one itching to acquire status as prom royalty. Her date, too, was looking forward to a glorious reign as prom king. He could be seen striding majestically through the hallowed halls of BHS with a regal aura about him, envisioning his monarchial triumph. Comrades say he spoke admirably of his date’s zeal, once remarking, “Man, I thought kids around here really pulled out all the stops to get into college. But you guys should see what this girl is doing for that crown.”

But the plot to capture the throne quickly unraveled late last week after one frustrated senior girl’s discovery of appointments booked for prom day under the same suspiciously nonexistent name at six different hair salons in the area. The aspiring monarch and her date were confronted, and informed that the titles of prom king and queen here at BHS, in fact, do not actually exist. Everyone is royalty on prom night, classmates tried to explain to the befuddled and crestfallen aspirants. As one witness alleged, “It was pretty awkward.”

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