Not everybody is born to be a mathlete. Some live their entire lives with an unfortunate absence of ability, whereas others acquire their skills through tireless years of practice and training. There exist on this earth, however, a select few who stun the world with their sheer mathleticism and innate mathemagical prowess. We as a community are truly blessed to have one of these giants living among us. I am sure you all are familiar with this wunderkind’s name; none other than Tommy Praeger joined us for a few minutes to discuss his training regimen and projections for the upcoming season.
Tommy firstly wished for us to emphasize that despite his native talent, it takes much more to be a mathlete. Just like with any
competitive, established sport, mathletes are required to train almost year round in order to compete at the level of professionals like Tommy. Preseason workouts especially are a killer. According to Tommy, his recruits are required to embark on a diet consisting ‘strictly of craisins and goat milk’ for a period of three days, preceding the annual fast of another two days. Workouts are ‘no joke’ according to the veteran, and it is not unusual for one to notice him flying into a fit of rage when one of his students performs such rookie mistakes as mistaking Ado’s theorem for the Appell-Humbert theorem or forgetting the sine of 17.63 degrees.
Tommy himself undergoes a training routine that is simply too difficult to be attempted by any other mathlete not of his caliber. His trademark exercise, mental calculator result prediction (MCRP), has been heralded for its excellent results despite its great difficulty.
As for the season, which has recently begun, Tommy is hopeful to lock in his spot as an All-Section mathlete, and may even venture into All-State territory should his training pay off. This is entirely possible, especially considering how his competition was almost completely wiped out last year after the controversial doping scandal of Pleasantville’s Xiaodong Zheng.
Tommy is currently being scouted by several schools, generating much interest among a number of college math coaches. Reviewers pride him as a five-star recruit with excellent intangibles. However, the modest gentlemen wished us to stress that he would never be where is now without the support of the people backing him. Said Praeger, “At the end of the day, it’s a group effort. It takes each and every one of us working our tails off to pick up a W. Sure, people like to call me the star of the team, and sure, my shoulders hurt sometimes from carrying more than I should, but I wouldn’t be able to accomplish what I have without my phenomenal supporting cast.”
We wish Tommy and the rest of our school’s mathletes the very best for the current season.