Volume 68, Issue I
By Sarah Dolgin

Tears stream down the hunger-stricken faces of students as they flock into the beloved Pat V. Maresca Center strictly to do their work. The Golden Age of the Maresca has ended, and students mourn the good old days when they could eat their lunches while doing their work at the same time! With signs entailing the demise of any and all who dare to touch food in the Maresca, peopl

e are fearing for their lunches and their lives; Big Brother is truly watching.

Discombobulated students line the lockers, eating their lunches in a state of disarray, reminiscing about the times of a food-friendly Maresca. Prowlers in the Maresca hunt to condemn any violators of the anti-eating rule. It should be noted though that there are certain teachers (unnamed with respect to their privacy) who openly defy the strict regulations prohibiting eating.

“What is to be done about the hunger, and what can we do to get our Maresca back?” ask the people. One student in particular has come up with a solution to end the Maresca madness, and it shall be in effect almost immediately if it can gain momentum. A secret society of Maresca-eaters has been meeting under the radar, and the rebels have been recruiting new members. For sake of anonymity, they will not be named. Those who hold any love for the Maresca will received the location of the next meeting. A signal will be made for the selected. For now, those wanting to join the movement are advised by Student Government to remain out of sight until further notice. For more information, call 1-800-give-me-my-maresca-back, or email marescamadness123@mares- camoney.edu. Smoke signals work, too.